Our Land, Our Business

Aren’t you just sick of it? That inane, “what will you do with it once you’ve gotten it back”, question that always manages to somehow find a way to rear its White-privileged head whenever the issue of land is discussed. I know I am. It is a half-witted shitbag of a question, and the people who ask it are nothing less.


The thing that irks me the most about this question has more to do with the people who ask it than it does with the actual question itself, though. Only because it is usually asked by one of two types of people: 1) that liberal White twat who thinks his/her opinions should be to Black people what the Bible is to Christians, or 2) that Black dimwit who either secretly wants to be liked by White people or wants to be White or, worse, both.


For instance, about a week ago I decided to attend a book launch at the University of the Free State’s campus library. The event promised to be one to write home about because the book being launched was written by one of the Professors at the university and focused on land redistribution and the white narratives around it. So, being the lover of spice that I am, I decided to grace them with my presence and see if I couldn’t add my two cents to the discussion.


On arrival – I arrived late because … well, because I’m me – I found on stage, with a malfunctioning mic in his hands, a Zimbabwean White Pastor-Farmer guy addressing the gathered masses about his experiences with the radical land redistribution politics of Zimbabwe.


In his speech were the usual “a group of angry and violent Black men forcefully removed me from my farm” fables you would expect to find in such recounts, but he had topped his off with a “but I forgave them because I’m a Christian” White cream that I’ve never heard before, and also added a “the land belongs to God” sprinkle to top the whole thing off.


Anyway, soon after Pastor-Good-Christian-White-Farmer Man descended the stage, another White-but-less-Christian man ascended and gave his experiences. It was during said White man’s mumbles that the question “what will you do with it once you’ve acquired it” finally reared its head, and my interest in the event reached its trough.


I mean really guys, can Black people please be allowed the chance discuss getting their land back without having to be asked what they plan to do with it after they eventually do? Can they? Please!?


But, being the Good Black that I am, I have decided to provide a list of possible things that Black people could do with their land once they receive it back. So, here they are:


  • Look At It

Yes, that’s exactly what some of us want to do with our land: Look At It. Ya’ know, just sit back, kick our feet up, have a couple of cold ones, and look at the land knowing that it belong to us. No stress and definitely no worrying about paying rent or having some pale-with-a-hint-of-orange looking twat coming to us and asking us if we live there.


So, there you have it. One of the first things we want to do with OUR LAND as soon as we get our hands on it is to just sit back and look at it.


  •  Take A Shit On It

Taking a shit, next to having orgasms, is God’s greatest gift to man. It brings to the doer the most wonderful of all feelings of relief, and some of us like doing it more than once a day. So, you can image what doing it on land we know belongs to us will do for some of us.


My Gawd! I’m getting goosebumps just thinking about it!


  • Walk Naked On It

If you’ve never done it before, you need to – today. Knowing that you can peacefully walk around naked in a space brings a joy only comparable to the one you get knowing that you don’t have any debit orders at the end of the month.


We want such joys in our lives. We want to walk from one end of our back yards to the other naked AF – giving zero fucks about anything and not worrying about having our neighbors call the SPCA on us because they think they saw us hanging snakes from our crouches, he he he.



This is probably the most important of the lot. We want to do NOTHING with it. Nix. Nada. Dololo. I mean, can we be allowed to enjoy our land without stress? Please?


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